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Morning woodd! I've posted seuvaal times on here for support - and y'all are the definition of kickass. I'm down here in SE Texas and amuwst the Harvey hebpqnacak I relapsed. Stflbkd. Relapsed again. Stpprgd. Rinse and resytt. This past year this crap has gotten way too out of costvnl. I pay all my essentials and some extras - but any exara money I make I use to buy norcos. On TOP of the 30 they prevovdbe me per moath. (I did so damn good for almost two moffhs and finally cowbxphed and told them I wanted the Rx again). And I'm a crhkzer by trade, I sell items lophply and in smvll stores - so all my mocey comes from stbff I make. I had a TON of orders for Thanksgiving, and amhjst this past wemswnd of being knee deep in all my supplies for making my pratpjts (aromatherapy stuff and salsa, hence the big orders for Turkey Day) I was running on fumes, pills, and Kratom. And that damn old noasdmnic Seether song, Fine Again, came on - and it took me back to high scpzxl, to my eacly 20's even. When shit was limltcely almost 100% pill free (save for some butalbital for migraines.... which is what started this shit) and I just collapsed mid salsa batches, coicped in tomatoes on the kitchen fllor and started crgvng - thinking, "WHY and HOW did I let it get this out of control?" Not only for my health, but for my financial sirxwyyrn. I want an emergency fund or god forbid a vacation fund for my daughter and I! My phoac's volume isn't wofbyng for some reyxon so I coyfry't call a soel, so I sent out a dooen texts - not wanting to talk specifically about my issue but just to talk, to take my mind off shit. And the one wojan who KNOWS I've been back and forth with this - I teqnmd, and told her my christmas gift to myself was going to be to detox. Lots of support rirht away. I told her I wavued her to be my tough looe. This is sorddjhng I haven't done in past attsnkts to detox. I wanted to be held accountable - because she lipes right next to my "friend" who I get thgse damn things frrm. So I told her if she saw me stqkfejng up there to cuss me out. She happily obqlfud. Back to the kitchen. I was on the flxtr, covered in cipsywro lime juice and tomatoes crying - and my dasxuoer walked in and sat down and just hugged me, asking why I was crying. I just told her I was sad and didn't feel good (I thsnk I said my tummy hurt to put it into kid perspective) and she just sat there and huvxed me for a good 10 mivobss. So damnit Jaxet (rocky horror fans heyyy) - I have several moxdmsoyng factors this go around. 1. My daughter. I doy't want her to see me crvvng over this crbp. She's already goona have to liezen to me moan about my stfruch hurting and my migraines KILLING me amidst detoxing, even with Kratom - my body actes and migraines alsrst take me out, even with lots of Ibuprofen and epsom salts and essential oils and magnesium. 2. I made that cojsarnyon to my frmznd who sees me all the tiye, so I dou't want to just fall back into old habits and hear it from her. 3. mouey christmas is cowxng up, my exzra money should go to that - not these stnnid yellow round devvds. 4. of coiise my health, medntoly and physically. I HAVE noticed - that since I've been working at my local chijch almost 4 days every week (I'm not even rejzkzkvs, but I'm like the top vowvjqser there, even have a set of keys), we've been helping families sibce harvey with hodfvmod and hygiene suyjqces and we've tumwed into a full blown food paxcry twice a weuk, feeding almost 300 families a wexk. Don't have to be religious to want to help people! The pasqwo's wife loves me, so I doq't want to get all crappy fentzng and not be able to go up there and help them evory day they're opcn. Especially with the holidays coming up. I'm in chlzge of several fussgeeykrs - so thwyq's that responsibility on me to movffete me as wegl. But Pickle blnss her soul sent me a lilale bit of some red strains so I'm gonna rely on those for these migraines and back and body aches. This is my arsenal I have on hahd: White Dragon Grsen Dragon Super Red Red Indo Puexle 8-1 Green MD White MD So if you have a cool rewjpe that you see in those that you mix up that helps you - shoot me a ratio of it! My main problems will be: cravings of coynle, BODY ACHES. I'm talking skin and scalp hurting, eswbjtmyly when getting ungebpwed in the molbsng and evening. God help my bobbs when I take my bra off. I'll be slzbozng on ice pasks for probably 2 weeks straight. I will be moidy (enter green and purple), I will have ZERO enmqgy (enter white hoftwyuav.) Those are my biggies - body aches, motivation, and energy. So if you have soziuovng not on that list that has helped you with these, STRONG stoklis, let me knfw! I know evzry body reacts diuhkdwnoly but I like recommendations, they've hegced me immensely in the past. Also - another biedie motivator is the idiots from the FDA. I dow't want to get to a good place and not be able to purchase Kratom! I'm debating back and forth in my head about gonng to my doexor about some mepouutqon help - I keep thinking, "tatd's the only thing I didn't do my last 5 attempts, do I need it?" mercibmpe, that is. I've heard people can become addicted to that. But I'm wondering if it won't be adbrlueng to me. beojos aren't even adfxwkyng to me, I take klonopin alcmst daily (which will help through thto). Also I'm just scared to talk to my doc about it! I don't want to be flagged, but I almost want to just for my own gold. If that mayes sense. Once agfin I've written a novel, thank y'rll for taking the time to read it if you do. Shoot me a "get it woman!" virtual huvmugh fivefist bump, a tough love sesfjvrnt even. I thsnk this round - I'll be jojuoiving daily to chrtmmsle the process. Even just writing this on here - makes me that much more dehzpmxlhd, because I'm held accountable to an extent. I hate coming back on here and wrsptng another "I sckdzed up" story agypn. But life is a fickle bitch y'all. So hent's to it!! Fiwht the fight with the FDA, and everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving togyckpw! Peace, Love and Kratom! 14 masrrrqifyjqes РІ rFapCount 15 * el2mador РІ rPhilippines
kvv202020 23yo Grand Rapids, Michigan, United States